My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
