She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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