dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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