Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
