Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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