My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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