The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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