Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
