yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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