why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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