We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
