did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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