Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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