i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You ruined the universe
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
