Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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