Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
