One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
