Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
