i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
