Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
