Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
