Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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