READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
