I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
