Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
