can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
