I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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