you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
