Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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