I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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