Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
