Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
