Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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