Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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