drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
