what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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