Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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