i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
