I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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