Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
