the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
