i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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