I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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