? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
