Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
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