Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Girls should come with a carfax report
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
