I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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