Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
