she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
