In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
