She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
