it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This baby is an asshole
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
