Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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