I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
