Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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