saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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